I’ve often been told I’m “too intense,” “too direct,” or that I “expect too much from people.” But if standing up for myself, holding people accountable, or refusing to play the game of false niceties means I have fewer friends — I’m perfectly fine with that.
Take one recent situation. I had a friend I genuinely tried with. I invited him to events I thought he’d enjoy — repeatedly. Every single time, he either “had no time” or gave some last-minute excuse. Yet, he somehow always had time to go drinking. And when that wasn’t enough, there’d suddenly be a story about his friend being “depressed” — conveniently, right before an event I’d invited him to.
Even while he was coming from Dunoon, I repeatedly offered to cover his expenses, since I was working at the time and wanted to make it easy for him to join. Yet, despite these offers, he still found reasons not to show up, prioritizing drinking and convenience over friendship. Sometimes, he had seemingly reasonable reasons — his friend getting a new house, a new job, or a promotion — and he wanted to celebrate with that friend. The story that his friend was “depressed” that evening came later, alongside claims that the friend might have had undiagnosed PTSD. Even then, going drinking would likely make the depression worse, and that friend had other people to rely on, whereas I didn’t. And this seemed to happen every single time I asked him to attend an event with me. The timing of these excuses wasn’t just suspicious… it became predictable.
Things escalated further when this friend crossed a serious boundary. My partner experienced the interaction as manipulative, and yet when I confronted him, he outright denied it and acted as though it was absurd that I would even think it. He never offered his side of the story, never explained what had actually happened from his perspective. That silence spoke volumes: it wasn’t just denial—it was a refusal to acknowledge my partner’s experience, to take responsibility, or to show basic honesty. Even if he imagined the situation differently, his fragile credibility and repeated disregard for boundaries confirmed exactly why I need to carefully choose who I allow into my life.
And just to be clear: this isn’t a case of real life versus video games, or any harmless difference in interests. This is about friends who lie through their teeth in predictable ways, repeatedly say they’ll make an effort only to fail to keep their word, and then wonder why I feel so betrayed and disappointed. Time and time again, they prove they’d rather prioritize drinking over spending time with people who don’t.
Even in games like Phantasy Star Online Episodes 1 & 2, the distrust became so pronounced that I had to set rules. Any other game I had joined with him, he would swipe rare items I had claimed and keep them to himself. This pattern of disregarding boundaries and exploiting trust wasn’t limited to real life—it carried over into shared activities as well.
When something serious happened — something I’d entrusted him with, like my ships on Discovery GC disappearing — he was the only other person with access, since mine was limited because I didn’t have a Windows PC at the time. Yet he denied deleting them and instead accused me of making false claims and being “toxic.” For the record:
- Asking who had access isn’t an accusation.
- Stating facts isn’t an attack.
- Holding someone accountable isn’t toxic behavior.
I’ve learned this is a pattern with a lot of people. They love the idea of friendship — as long as it’s convenient, costs them nothing, and never challenges them. The moment you ask for honesty, reliability, or a little effort, they vanish or flip the script.
I’ve been ghosted for being honest.
I’ve been called “toxic” for standing up for myself.
I’ve been labeled “difficult” because I won’t sugarcoat or tolerate being treated like an afterthought.
I’ve been let down by this friend more times than I can count. And yet, he expects me to apologize for all of it. If there is ever to be any chance of re-establishing a friendship, he must first offer a most sincere apology—to both myself and my partner—for his repeated lies, boundary-crossing, and manipulation.
If your idea of friendship requires me to accept blame for things I didn’t do, stay silent when wronged, or put up with lies, excuses, and boundary-crossing behavior — I’m better off without you.
I’d rather have a handful of real friends who show up than a crowd of people who only stick around when it suits them. With so-called friends like this, I have absolutely no need for friends — because I’m better off relying on myself than tolerating lies, excuses, and manipulation.
So if you’re wondering why I don’t have many friends — it’s because I don’t have time for fake ones.
And honestly? I’m good with that.
#FriendshipBoundaries #ToxicFriendships #KnowYourWorth #AccountabilityMatters #FakeFriends #WhyImOkayAlone #StandingUpForYourself #LifeLessons #RealTalk #HonestFriendship